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Dude! So the other night I’m at this house party, dude, and dude, there is this dude there who looks kind of like a douchebag, dude. Like, dude, he’s walking around with one of those black and white marble composition notebooks, dude. Dude, you know what I’m talking about, dude. And dude, he’s reading from it to all these different girls, dude. So dude, I go over to this dude and I’m like, “Dude, let me see this book, dude,” And dude, upon the cover, dude, this dude has inscribed the title: SECRET PRESTRICTIONS FROM THE PAST, dude.
Dude, I’m like, “What the hell is this crap supposed to be, dude?” And dude, he’s like, “Oh, well, dude, this is my poetry, dude.” And dude, he opens the book to a poem called The Rose, dude. All’s I’m gonna say is this poem’s called The Rose, dude! So dude! I’m like, “really, dude? This sucks! It’s totally cliché, dude.” And dude, he says, “Dude, you clearly do not get it, dude. Dude, this is a metaphor, dude—The Rose is about a girl. THE GIRL is THE ROSE, dude.”
Dude. I don’t even know what to say at this point, dude. So dude, I’m just like, “Dude, I regret to inform you that you are probably not the first person to ever compare a GIRL to a ROSE in a POEM, dude. And dude, furthermore, if your intention is to get girls to have sex with you, dude, you might want to consider not reading them poetry that is stupid and bad, dude. And also, dude: PRESTRICTIONS is not an actual word, dude.” And he’s like, “Dude, of course it is, dude.” So I’m like, “Okay, then, dude, what does it mean? What does PRESTRICTIONS mean, dude?” And he says, “Oh, dude, well, you know, dude, it’s like, when something is prestricted, dude.” And I’m like, “Dude, you cannot define a word using the word itself, dude. In fact, dude, the only thing anyone can say about these PRESTRICTIONS is that they already happened and nobody’s supposed to know, dude. Because apparently they are SECRET PRESTRICTIONS FROM THE PAST, dude."
from Small Sacrifices Must Be Made!,
released October 9, 2012
Words and music by Jed Davis
Based on a story by Robert Martinek
Published by Eschatonality/ASCAP
Jed Davis: vocals, organ, synth
Reeves Gabrels: electric guitars
Graham Maby: bass
Anton Fig: drums, percussion
Bryan Thomas: backing vocals
Mario Sevayega: backing vocals
David Schulman: backing vocals
Produced by Jed Davis
Mixed by Pete de Boer at World Famous, Breckenridge, CO
Mastered by Dave McNair