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Shoot The Piano Player

by Jed Davis

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1.
This is crap A piece of crap I churn it out I dump it out You lap it up You eat it whole, yeah - 19 dollars for this piece of crap You'll take it. Pay for me Make me sexy Buy me groupies High school kids are stupid You can trick them Use them Look I'm what you wanted all along. I love this song How do you do it? Oh, you're so angry Just like me You know the pain Middle-class white rage, yeah - Mom and dad won't let me out past midnight I'm in hell Sell to me Say you hate me Give me bootlegs You're official spokesman for my G-G-G-G-Generation Talking with your mouth full - BANG! This is a wonderful time to be a rock n' roller Pray that your connections are as good as mine Watch me put my grocery list to music Watch it sell a million copies Watch the kids find poetry in every line Yeah, this is crap A piece of crap I churn it out I dump it out You lap it up Swallow it whole, yeah - Silly rabbit, you are what you eat Don't touch me I know I'll get a kicking drum and bass loop I'll make some noises on a keyboard Hey back off, buddy, I'm an artist Now I'm on the cutting edge Yeah.
2.
Chain Letter 03:25
Number a paper from 1 to 7. Write your favorite numbers next to 1 and 2. Write the names of two people next to 3 and 7. And the names of friends next to 4, 5, and 6. Now make a wish. 1 is the number of people you must send this to In the number of days you wrote next to 2 Number 3 is your true love Number 4 is the person who you care about the most Number 5 is the one who knows you best Number 6 is your lucky star Number 7 is the person who you like But just can't work things out with What did you wish for when you passed this on? What number did I come up? You ought to know better Than to send me chain letters You're gonna end up with a new boyfriend Right now, somebody is proud of you Right now, somebody is thinking of you Right now, somebody is caring for you Right now, somebody misses you Right now, somebody wants to talk to you Right now, somebody wants to be with you Right now, somebody needs you To send this out to them What did you wish for when you passed this on? Did you know that I would wish for you? You ought to know better Than to send me chain letters You're gonna end up with a new boyfriend Number a mix tape from 1 to whatever Write the name of this song next to number 1 Now write the songs that remind you of the people you love And the names of the friends that they remind you of Now make a wish and send it to: 10 people - it'll come true in a year 20 people - it'll come true in a month 30 people - it'll come true in a year 40 people - it'll come true right now 10 people - you'll be happy for a week 20 people - you'll be happy for a month 30 people - you'll be happy for a year 40 people - you'll be happy forever What did you wish for when you passed this on? What number did I come up? You ought to know better Than to send me chain letters You're gonna end up with a new boyfriend.
3.
Every rocker knows That girl at all the shows Passing out her business card Is just some fluff to be ignored She's in promotions She's only here to kick up noise And make out with skinny boys Whoever wants to take a pass At some entry-level ass With no emotions You can't do shit for my act You cannot sign me They don't know who you are In A&R But still I pray you'll find me In your heart As I watch you throw yourself At some shitty band Who won't ever understand How important you are To them getting this far Yeah, the girl in promotions One side of the stage Is the only real rock star In all of L.A.
4.
Did you think all the folks in your hometown were right When they lip-served the legend you might become? Did you think this here song would end up on your wall in no time Dressed in glass, chrome and platinum? Did you think this would net you the girl of your dreams? Did you think this would make you a zillionaire? Tell me, big man, how's all that shit worked out so far? Dozen years and does anyone care 'bout it now? Don't answer now We'd better take this up again some other time Because the next words out your mouth Will be a lie A lie A lie Watch in horror as all your old bandmates and pals Nest and spawn in their parents' suburbia Check your watch by the reddening sun As it sets on the only ones who've ever heard of ya Time to water it down, dumb it down, dumb it down Take a coward's piss all over everything Do you care what some shit blogger says? Do you care what 14-year-olds think about anything now? Don't answer now We'd better take this up again some other time Because the next words out your mouth Will be a lie A lie A lie Did you think this would net you the girl of your dreams? Did you think this would make you a zillionaire? Tell me, big man, how's all that shit worked out so far? Dozen years and doesn't anyone even care? Yeah I know we're both wrong, but you're also a dick So I'm finding it hard to go quietly You can lie to your family, your friends and yourself all you want But don't you fuckin lie to me now Don't answer now We'd better take this up again some other time Because the next words out your mouth Will be a lie, a lie A lie, a lie A lie, a lie A lie.
5.
A full-on celebration A hundred invitiations I had the cooler stocked by 4pm The mixtape done by 5 I cleaned the whole place up with Arty Ordered pizza from Lombardi's Yeah, it was quite the fuckin party Until the guests arrived Now I hate all the people at my party My heart is full of sorrow My apartment full of lame Every loser in six counties Is guzzling down my beer And the hotties I invited never came. There are eighteen Trekkies in my breakfast nook Talking really loud about comic books They're about to get their asses kicked By a bunch of surly punks It's a big old fuckin trainwreck Somebody tie the noose 'round my neck 'Cause I blew my entire paycheck Just to get these assholes drunk Now I hate all the people at my party My heart is full of sorrow My apartment full of lame Every loser in six counties Is guzzling down my beer And the hotties I invited never came. A full-on celebration A hundred invitations The desperate lengths I go to wind up Playing with myself Somebody man the stereo The TV set remote control You all just make yourself at home I'm going someplace else Now I hate all the people at my party My place is full of sausage My face is red with shame Every loser in six counties Is guzzling down my beer And the hotties I invited never came.
6.
Little girl Wants the promise that no one can keep Well sip this cosmopolitan and listen, baby As I push that old lie through these false teeth I can tell you how lovely you are In the confident tones of a man who has been Telling women how lovely they are Since long before you even noticed men As I stroke your ringless fingers And sit through your short life story And reveal that I'm an ex-cop, a businessman, a producer I am your Social Security, honey And darling, you're my Viagra You make me feel so young. Little boys That's all your friends are to me I hate them all I know what they want You see, I was once a little boy myself - Young and virile and horny Then I learned how to buy plane tickets, and do my own taxes And all those other things you find so sexy And mature Let's talk maturity Let's pretend that it's your maturity And not my emotional impotence That fuels this unnatural chemistry Oh darling, you're such a grownup You make me feel so young. Take it, Red. This is a dance we used to do back at the Peppermint Lounge. I think that kid over there is giving you the eye. That little hipster fuck. Let me tell you something: Youth fades Hipness fades But what I got, I'll have the rest of my life However short that may be. You want candy? I got candy Good & Plenty Sugar Daddy Take a ride in my convertible Let me get the door for you No wait - hop on my motorcycle. YES! I will lift you up onto my midlife crisis motorcycle We'll hit the open road doin 80 And we'll speed back in time to when a man was a man And a woman was a lady And you were just A little baby Speaking of which You love my kids, right? Aw, you should have known them when You'd have had so much fun playing in the kiddie pool And in the sandbox with them And I'd have watched you from my deck chair A scotch on the rocks in my hand My now-ex-wife by my side As I fantasized your six-year-old ass on my hairy knee Getting a pony ride. I'm so glad your math is bad And you know I dread The day you get through your head That when you're 30 I'll be 60 When you're 60 I'll be dead But baby, don't you worry 'Cause right now, you got it all: My heart My soul My money My home My wrinkled little balls Oh darling, how I need you You make me feel so young.
7.
Despite 02:07
Despite the guitar that you brandish before you As you tell off a crowd that's content to ignore you And despite your soul searching, and the ingots of wisdom Which disguise all the shit that's pent up in your system And the old man who pays for the place where you live And the woman who pays for the demos you give To the promising people in the back of your cab As you pray that the next fare will take the wheel From your gifted little hands And despite the guitar that you brandish before you As you tell off a crowd that's content to ignore you Whose every yes means they'll never forget you And every no means they're all out to get you And despite the club owners who won't have you back And despite all the girlfriends who won't have you back And the buddies who've seen way too much of your back As you walk out in another huff and swear That you're never ever coming back And despite the guitar that you brandish before you As you tell off a crowd that's just there to ignore you And despite your frustrations and your bitter demands The mistakes you project, and your uninformed plans You will still be surprised when we all move on And there's nary a sniffle for you when you're gone 'Cause despite your falsetto And the friends you suck dry The blond in your hair And the blue in your eye The world wasn't waiting for you to save it The world wasn't waiting for you.
8.
Duran Duran Duran Duran I love to say Duran Duran I say it over and over and over again The World Premiere Video is on at eight For a brand-new song called "Union of the Snake" I love to say Duran Duran While I dream of Ms. Pac Man Come on everybody and say Duran Duran with me Duran Duran Duran Duran I went without hot lunch for weeks Just so I could afford that record "Reflex" and "New Moon on Monday" Taunted me on MTV Till finally my mom agreed To take me to Sam Goody and I Saw it shining in its shrink-wrap In the front display it was Duran Duran Duran Duran I love to say Duran Duran I say it over and over and over again The World Premiere Video is on at eight For a brand-new song called "Union of the Snake" I love to say Duran Duran While I dream of Ms. Pac Man Come on everybody and say Duran Duran with me I ran towards my holy grail Past High N' Dry and Back in Black and Just as I was reaching out A voice behind me called my name I turned around and saw her in A Ricky Schroeder t-shirt and She said she wanted puffy stickers But I knew I'd die without Duran Duran Duran Duran Here's the latest on Scott Baio, won't you let me hold your hand? Here's a Ricky Schroeder pin-up, won't you let me hold your hand? I cut up my 16 magazine for you Now loving me forever is the least you can do Give me back those stickers Girls are stupid anyway. I love to say Duran Duran I say it over and over and over again Years have passed and I feel the same Though I never got that record - now I can't recall its name I love to say Duran Duran While I dream of Ms. Pac Man Come on everybody and say Duran Duran with me Duran Duran Duran Duran
9.
You belong On the far side of the mountains In the gold On the line of the horizon You belong In a place where no one goes. Where no one goes. You belong In an unfinished painting Wrapped in plastic Locked in a closet You belong In a place where no one goes. Where no one goes. Drawing you in constellations Scorched in the dirt of a cornfield Pushing the phone into its cradle Again Again and again And I'll never win But neither will you. Every look a domino And every sigh in stereo And maybes dress as hidden yesses Every time you don't say no And everything's obsession When you can't quit cold And everything is muzak When your life's on hold Now I stare at the ceiling And try to tune in To echoes of something That won't come again This is where you belong: Sentenced to one night as me You belong On the floor in the corner Reading this Off an old sheet of paper You belong In a place where no one goes. Where no one goes. Writing our names in the window steam Measuring time in creamers and coffee rings Slamming the door, getting on with our lives Again Again and again And I'll never win But neither will you.
10.
The man with the plan for the band divine He hates Fred McGriff, but he loves Mankind Counterfeiting pennies and laundering your nasty mind He is the man His name is Chris Biscuiti He's Collider's #1 fan Listening to Physics on his headphones in the dark He's a Radiobiscuit and a wrestling mark Clocking more airtime than Doris from Rego Park He is the man His name is Chris Biscuiti He's Collider's #1 fan
11.
I love Ray's Pizza. Only two things more American: Doubles from Coney Island Joe's The Kitchen Sink at Jahn's. I love these streetlights And these playgrounds And these brownstones. The sweetest memories when I pass my childhood buddies' homes. I love the way the little colored lights come out and shine And paint the snowflakes as they tumble down at Christmastime. I love my mother And I miss her 16 months gone. I love my photo albums Full of friends who've passed on. Whatever stupid moron said that change is good - He didn't spend the last three decades in my neighborhood. I want my city safe Respectable And orderly. A place where you can make eye contact And be friendly. Where death row felons can't be heard or taken seriously - Shoot down an officer And then cry out for sympathy. Misguided kids make awful noises for his evil cause Subverting justice And ignoring process, facts and law. He fights to steal back freedom But I hope he doesn't. I know God's mercy's endless But I wish it wasn't. What kind of world is this where blasphemers get saved? Where cop killers get rallies And where faggots get parades? I wish that Jesus would come back And bless us, every one. I wish Sinatra would come back And show 'em how it's done. But every moment pulls us further from the time when All the red-blooded boys wanted to be policemen. I wish these whiny yuppies Hypocrites And food-stamp slobs Would learn their place And just shut up And let me do my job. I wish for Lotto luck And pennants for the Yankees. I wish just once Someone would smile at me And thank me. For you, I risk my life. For you, my friends have died. You stupid motherfuckers, don't you know I'm on your side?
12.
Touch 03:23
All the worst days of my life were Laid out in succession throwing 1-2 punches 3-4 punches Knocking me to sleep at night The calendar was bloody And silent as a minefield And when my eyes were closed I saw No less than when they were open And the nightmares were just replays of the day. Then you touch my hand And you pull me back to now And you touch my face and you Separate the day and night The day and night. All the worst days of my life were Crouched in quiet ambush leaving Trembling fingers Bulletshock and Rubber legs Then you appear With chamomile and sugar And you lead with perfect questions and we Talk until we're sleepy but Tonight after I leave you at your door All the nightmares will be waiting up for me. So touch my hand And pull me back to now And touch my face and Separate the day and night The day and night. Touch behind my eyes Sing me lullabys I need you in my dreams.
13.
She took some shit from my room, and to get it back I had to make her come (come back and give me my shit), and I only used one hand.

about

13 songs recorded live to tape in one weekend, under the watchful eye of Steve Albini.

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released July 7, 2011

ESC025

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Jed Davis Bristol, Connecticut

Jed Davis is a designer who works in lines, words, dots and sounds.

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