more from
Eschatone Records
We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Failing Upwards

by Jed Davis

/
  • Digital Album
    Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $9.99 USD  or more

    You own this

     

1.
You know, if I were famous You could all share my life Be with me as I grow up Leave my hometown, take a wife Get fat Get old Get dopey and die It's gonna happen anyway It's gonna happen someday Shit, it already may But at least this way Someone would care In the late summer twilight I'd pretend this was TV Every school year a new season The whole world was watching me New plotlines to resolve New supporting cast to meet And the klieg light sun went down On my famous house and town And I'd interview myself Because if I didn't Nobody would Run don't walk, don't turn around. Not your boyfriend Not you prom king I am no one I am free Hear the fat man He is singin Sing "I'm walkin, yes indeed." But this unfinished business Grinds me slowly to a halt Now I stare forever backwards Like a pillar of salt Here's a verse for my parents Such a fine job raising me Pass me blame for all my failures But it's luck when I succeed You said, "Get off your pointless path now, kid No matter where it leads." So now that it's brought me here At least try to sound sincere Though I shrugged off all your plans You can still brag about me To your friends At my high school reunion They will all gather round From this hotel piano I coax sweet, sacred sounds It's the rumble of redemption It's the tinkling of hope At last the cheerleaders cheer And the cool kids raise their beers And the whole world strains to hear Then I wake up Knowing I won't even go. Run don't walk, don't turn around.
2.
Every girl I see is prettier than you What am I supposed to do? I'm leaving that alone. I'ma stop and pick me up a slutty hoochie mama Only kidding, ha ha See you back at home. Where I'll have to fall on all fours When I walk through the door May I please have some more? And I'll have to nod and pretend Like I'm happy again Every time that you win This is where we started: Blind and shallow-hearted Now you're all I've got This is where we ended: Cold and codependent And you're all I've got This is where we're stranded: Guilty and red-handed But you're all I've got This is where we're going: Absolutely nowhere 'Cause you're all I've got Okay, I'm a prick I'm a loser, I'm a grouch Please kick me to the couch So I can be alone. Every time I think: "My lawful wedded wife" I scar myself for life I'll see your ass at home. Where I'll have to fall on all fours When I walk through the door May I please have some more? And I'll have to nod and pretend Like I'm happy again Every time that you win This is where we started: Blind and shallow-hearted Now you're all I've got This is where we ended: Cold and codependent And you're all I've got This is where we're stranded: Guilty and red-handed But you're all I've got This is where we're going: Absolutely nowhere 'Cause you're all I've got (She says she loves you) Shut up, I don't wanna know (She says she loves you) But I'm ready to go (She says she loves you) NO NO NO NO This is where it started: Studio apartment Now it's been three years This is where it ended: Turning 27 Both of us in tears This is what we promised: Not to be alarmist Not to disappear Got your stupid ring here Stick it on your finger This is where we started: Blind and shallow-hearted Now you're all I've got This is where we ended: Cold and codependent And you're all I've got This is where we're stranded: Guilty and red-handed But you're all I've got This is where we're going: Absolutely nowhere 'Cause you're all I've got (She says she loves you) Shut up, I don't wanna know (She says she loves you) But I'm ready to go (She says she loves you) NO NO NO NO Every girl I see is prettier than you Well I guess I'm fuckin screwed.
3.
I Quit 04:37
There are calls to return There are visits to pay There are far too many people Who should just go away That's it Now I'm all out of sick time I don't get paid for OT There's no such thing as a promotion And you can't fire me I quit This is my womb This is my doom This is my tomb This is my bedroom With every drip on my head I learn what it's all about Well you're my nasty little secret Now I'm letting you out Tough shit And this is where you end up When you're done laying blame In a bed all alone In a puddle of shame I quit This is my womb This is my doom This is my tomb This is my bedroom These are my hopes These are my dreams These are my plans This is my face right here in my hands This is my doom This is my tomb This is my bedroom This is my womb This is my doom This is my tomb This is my bedroom You're a shape in the rain You're a phrase in a note You're a photo in an album You're the lump in my throat I quit
4.
Glass one: The future's begun over cheap wine You're busting out all of your best lines I don't think you're funny But I'll squeeze out some laughter To hold off disaster Glass two: Don't ask what I do in my spare time I know you don't care about my spare time Uncomfortable silence Did you kick me on purpose? You're making me nervous You're making me nervous Trying to get to know me from the inside out Stop groping me with questions Picking at my doubts Oh my God, you're making me nervous You're making me nervous, yeah Glass three: Don't get up to pee I won't be here when you reappear You're not special enough for the special You ordered too much now We're going it dutch now And don't ask if this was a date And please don't ask me if I would rate the experience A budding romance Or at least more fun than cancer You won't like my answer You're making me nervous Trying to get to know me from the inside out Stop groping me with questions Picking at my doubts Oh my God, you're making me nervous You're making me nervous, yeah You're making me nervous Staring at me sideways with your shifty eyes Why can't we cut our losses Skip right to goodbyes Oh my God, you're making me nervous You're making me nervous, yeah You, me And issues for three Now it's clear you're The key to the lock on the door of My 7-11 Like Woody and Previn A match made in Heaven You're making me nervous You're making me nervous You're making me nervous You're making me nervous You're making me nervous Trying to get to know me from the inside out Stop groping me with questions Picking at my doubts Oh my God, you're making me nervous You're making me nervous, yeah You're making me nervous Staring at me sideways with your shifty eyes Why can't we cut our losses Skip right to goodbyes Oh my God, you're making me nervous You're making me nervous, yeah
5.
Take care, it's a long long ride Take care on the other side Take care, man, it's cold out there And when you arrive I will not be with you Understand it ain't up to you Just doing what I gotta do I don't want you to dwell on this Ignorance is bliss So I beg you Don't you lose your grace or your dignity Don't you lose one minute of sleep over me No one ever learns from a broken heart So may you only remember the good parts Take care and the tears will dry Never settle, never sacrifice Take care knowing I'm aware Nothing can compare To the pain you've been through Understand that you will pull through Just do what you gotta do Yeah it sucks, but I must insist No more good-bye kisses I beg you Don't you lose your grace or your dignity Don't you lose one minute of sleep over me No one ever learns from a broken heart So may you only remember the good parts Remember how it feels to hold somebody Remember how it feels to touch somebody Remember how it feels to walk hand in hand Remember how it feels to hug somebody Remember how it feels to kiss somebody Remember how it feels to dance in the sand Remember how it feels to love somebody Remember how it feels to know somebody Remember how it feels to find someone Believe that you can do it again Take care, it's a long long ride Take care on the other side Take care, man, it's cold out there And when you arrive I will not be with you Understand it ain't up to you Just doing what I gotta do I don't want you to dwell on this Ignorance is bliss So I beg you Don't you lose your grace or your dignity Don't you lose one minute of sleep over me No one ever learns from a broken heart So may you only remember the good parts
6.
Look me up when you're back in town Call me up when you're kickin around Blow the dust off the shoebox cover And spare a smile for your long lost brother Grow up, grow up You can leave me here Grow up, grow up Now it's only fair I'll keep the light burning in my room And I'll never turn my back on you Think of me every time you trip Over your crate of long-forgotten manuscripts Think of me every time you say "Why can't I bring myself to throw this stuff away?" Give up, give up When you're lost and tired Give up, give up I will feed the fire I'll keep it lit; I will see this through And I'll never turn my back on you You can give up, but I'm too proud You can grow up, but I'm not allowed You can marry anyone but me And I'll be here when you need more than memories Get up, get up On some rainy night Get up, get up See the distant light That's me, awake, writing in my room I will never turn my back on you.
7.
I got so lost in thoughts of you I missed the F at 2nd Avenue I came in from the rain And heard it pull away I stepped back out into the street And with the Bowery beneath my feet I squint to see it as it was When this neighborhood was yours It never seemed so distant All that's clear is something's missing New York City is a little less warm tonight It's a little less cool tonight And New York City is a little less kind tonight And a little less rockin tonight Debbie's hanging on the phone Danny's speechless, and hey hey, Arty's home And now the Bowery Electric crew Shines a spotlight star for you While on the streets below We wander slow, already lonely New York City is a little less warm tonight It's a little less cool tonight And New York City is a little less kind tonight And a little less rockin tonight I still get lost in thoughts of you And in those moments, I know what to do I put my headphones on And you are never really gone Do you remember Hullaballoo? Upbeat, Shindig, and Ed Sullivan too? You know that I remember you Yes, I still fuckin remember New York City is a little less cold tonight It's a little less lame tonight And New York City is a little less cruel tonight New York City, let's rock tonight
8.
Stick Around 03:50
It's on The long night is ending It's off You can't keep defending him That douche He drove you right into my arms Now hold on I'm not telling you to hate him I'm wrong If I give an ultimatum now But how long Do I have to be the other guy? I've lived so long off of nothing I'm choking on all this something Alone ain't fun, but it's easy I don't need this now Phone rings You don't have to get it, you can Hang up Before you regret it, c'mon Don't cry Just call me and forget it 'Til he beeps in Man, he's never gonna let it go Now hold on I'm not telling you to hate him I know I'm gone If I give an ultimatum now But how long Do I have to be the big man? I've lived so long off of nothing I'm choking on all this something Alone ain't fun, but it's easy I don't need this now All rise This court is now in session It's the case of The People vs. Your Weird Obsession With an ex-boyfriend Who plays it sober and repentant When it's crystal fucking clear He's just a desperate codependent And your best friend boomerangs From jealousy to pity Yeah, she thinks this is an episode Of "Sex and the City" And the harmless boys at work Are all like, "Isn't it ironic What she'll let me get away with When she thinks it's all platonic" While I hate it here in Limbo And I wish that you would hurry I'm aware my feelings are The least of anybody's worries I'm not doing this for points I don't need you to be flattered I just know whose opinion Is the only one that matters So I'll stick around 'Til you make up your mind I'll stick around I'll wait for you to call I'll stick around I've lived so long off of nothing I'm choking on all this something Alone ain't fun, but it's easy I don't need this now
9.
Is this supposed to change your life? Or is it soundtrack Muzak? Is this your motivation? Or only decoration? Should I want to change your mind? Affect the way you use your time? There's so far you can force it Before you find out what's important: Do you feel all right? If you play this in your car If you sing along, I've done my job And if it's on while you make out Then I've done real good And though the lyric's shitty If the chords are cliche pretty You'd better learn to love it You're gonna hear a lot more of it Do you feel all right? Do you feel all right? Then let me hear you.
10.
Falling into the role You accepted long ago: Getting old, getting fat And collecting cats Sit and stare at the walls Where your shadow barely falls And know you won't again be seen In someone else's dream Call it wrong Call it sad Call it life Call it crap Call it truth Call it your last chance Call it off That was your last chance. Turn around Invisible girl As you become aware You need more from this world You want someone to share All your pain and your joy If you only could see That invisible boy And what did you do When somebody looked at you When they tried to pull you free From the scenery Did you open like a rose? Did you wilt, all exposed? Did you freak out and hide? Did you thrive outside? Call it fear Call it grief Call it stunned disbelief Call it truth Call it your last chance Turn around Invisible girl As you become aware You need more from this world You want someone to share All your pain and your joy If you only could see That invisible boy, yeah Turn around. And what will you do When somebody looks at you When they try to pull you free From the scenery Take a long second glance See the puppet that danced What you thought was a toy Is a real live boy Call it shock Call it shame Call to him Call his name Call it truth Call it your last chance Turn around Invisible girl As you become aware You need more from this world You want someone to share All your pain and your joy If you only could see Your invisible boy Turn around.
11.
I reach for you across a thunderstorm Two hundred miles Bottle a message and I wish it on Two hundred miles This is the closest I can come to praying The letters slip between the drops of rain And through the dark they wend their faithful way Two hundred miles I try to count the times I've dreamed of you In twenty years I try to name something that hasn't changed In twenty years And as I sigh and set aside my phone The handset tingles and begins to glow I don't believe my heart has beaten so In twenty years Across a thunderstorm there is a hand I need to hold Across a thunderstorm there is a hand You need to hold See by the lightning the connection we were born to make No time, no distance, and no power under Heaven can break Not even twenty years A thousand thousand raindrops And two hundred miles
12.
Curtains up On the downbeat of your song Command performer Fielding encores at the bar Dreamers wishing on your star In the spotlight Of unfamiliar eyes You dance and shine And you reflect 'em like the moon The moving center of the room Where I hitched my heart To the darkest star On my Walk of Fame Leave a handprint by your name And I'll stay right here 'Til you reappear I can wait for you I dream big enough for two Will the cliffhanger ending Of this night See us together? Or will you dissolve away Twist it like a chapter play In this lonely, darkened Theater of absurd Here's my hand I have seen you unrehearsed At your wildest, at your worst Still I hitched my heart To the darkest star On my Walk of Fame Leave a handprint by your name And I'll stay right here 'Til you reappear I can wait for you I dream big enough for two An orrery of wannabes In orbit, trying to think of ways To fit you for a pedestal Or buy you for a drink But you don't have to offer anything To pack 'em out the door And you don't have to leave 'em laughing To leave 'em wanting more Curtains up On the downbeat of your song Command performer Fielding encores at the bar Scenesters wishing on your star In the spotlight Of unfamiliar eyes You dance and shine And you reflect 'em like the moon The moving center of the room Where I hitched my heart To the darkest star On my Walk of Fame Leave a handprint by your name And I'll stay right here 'Til you reappear I can wait for you I dream big enough for two.

about

It took me 25 years to make this album. Technically even longer than that - "I Quit" was written for an imploding Hanslick Rebellion back in 1997 - but my first attempt at recording any of these songs came in '99, when I brought "Invisible Girl" into the studio with Collider (some of the keyboards from that session have made it all the way to here). As the years passed and this project slowly came together, I found two threads to pull:

1. Tracks began to group themselves into pairs - two songs with the same subject matter, but different perspectives on it. Like, "Run Don't Walk" and "The Bowery Electric" are both about facing the past, but "Run"'s narrator is trapped in it, while "Bowery"'s celebrates it. "She Loves You (NO NO NO)" and "Stick Around" both deal with commitment; "I Quit" and "Do You Feel All Right?" with social interaction; "You're Making Me Nervous" and "Invisible Girl" with a glitchy romantic connection; "The Good Parts" and "Across A Thunderstorm" with distance; "Never Turn My Back" and "Dream Big Enough For Two" with creative drive. But the first song in each pair is about doing something because you HAVE to do it; the second is about doing that same thing because you WANT to. These songs got here organically - they sorted themselves into this album.

2. As I got into the process of recording this material, I found myself with a wealth of resources I'd never had before. I was engaged creatively with folks who'd had a huge influence on my own work - most notably the Ramones. I was in a position to bring in players like Tony Levin, Anton Fig and Dweezil Zappa, who all had direct involvement in music that was formative for me. I decided early on that Failing Upwards would live up to its title as a celebration of my own fortune, in a way - a collaboration not only with artists with whom I'd been personally entwined, like Mike Keaney, Meg Duffy, Alex Dubovoy, Maryann Fennimore, and Brian Dewan, but also with some of the people who'd influenced me the most.

I am grateful to everybody who participated in the making of Failing Upwards, but I do want to give one particular shout before I go: Ralph Carney played all of the horns and woodwinds on here (and also on a ton of my other projects, from Skyscape to Small Sacrifices). He was so generous with his time, and willing to try pretty much anything. Sometimes Ralph would take stuff so far beyond the limit that all I could do was salute and leave all of it in. "Dream Big Enough For Two" is a great example of that - it's basically three clarinets soloing for four and a half minutes. But it's frickin awesome, and I'm glad the album closes with that last sustained note of clarinet. Ralph passed away in 2017... I miss working with him, and I think he would have gotten a kick out of this album.

credits

released July 7, 2022

@2022 Jed Davis. All rights reserved

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Jed Davis Syracuse, New York

Song designer; founding member of The Hanslick Rebellion, Skyscape, Collider; oblivious to genre, trends and the passage of time.

contact / help

Contact Jed Davis

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code

Report this album or account